Beo-freakin-wulf

Beowulf is one feirce as hell momma effer. Cuttin down hoes and shankin' bros with his homemade toothbrush shank. Called to Denmark by the Pimpin-est G there ever was, KING HROTHGAR. You see, this ~D~ face of a hairy freakin monster named Grendel had been killing gents for years now and Beo-freakin-wulf is the only one who can TAKE HIM THE EFF DOWN.

After KING HROTHGAR accepts Beo-freakin-wulf's offer to beat the crap out of that D face, Grendel, he throws a bangin feast for him. However, during this event of mad food stuff some doofus dane who we are going to call Unferth taunts the hero saying he aint nearly as awesome as erryone be sayin. It is then that the great monster arrives; and because Beo-freakin-wulf is an arrogant bro he fights him with his bare firsts of fury, throwin his shanks and nun chucks to the wayside. He rips the effers arm off and once that hairy as haaaale monster runs away they hang up the narsty as freak severed arm in the Mead hall, next to all their famous as shiz pens.

They throw another party filled with their usual bumpin' and grindin' but the joyous event naturally cannot last too long. Grendel's momma shows up lookin to avenge the death of her son since the baby daddy left a long ass time ago. She kills one of KING HROTHGARS most trusty steeds before going back to her swamp, where that hag belongs. Of course that crazy mother effer goes to chase the hag and kill her too. Beo-freakin-wulf dives into the murky at shit water and (setting their relationship aside ;]) slays the swamp-hag with a shank forged by a giant! But he aint done yet, because he is narsty he chops that ho's head off and brings it as a prize to KING HROTHGAR.

Denmark is now free of its hairy as hell ~D~ FACED MONSTERS.

He rulez as king of Geatland for ~fifty~ years until some stupid as freak man disturbs a hella fierce dragon. Beo-freakin-wulf knows his death is hangin over his wrinkled head and decides to fight him. Without surprise the dragon is killed but in return it bites Beo-freakin-wulf in the neck and the venom poisons the effer til he dies.

For his burial the Geat gentz obey the hero's wishes and BURN SHIT DOWN...erm..cremate him. OH and also they send him with his all ~worldly~ treasures. How pimpin'.